Madonnas Divorce

Guy Could Get £150 Million From Madge…

Madonna and Guy Ritchie leaving the ‘RocknRolla’ Premiere After-Party in London,

Guy Ritchie could walk away with a potential £150 million from his divorce settlement with Madonna! Small compensation for seven and a half years of marriage to Madonna, if you ask us.

The couple officially announced the end of their marriage this afternoon. In a statement to the press Madonna’s spokesperson, Liz Rosenberg said:

“Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to divorce after seven-and-a-half years of marriage. They have both requested that the media maintain respect for their family at this difficult time.”

The couple, who own homes in London, Los Angeles and New York, and a 1,200-acre retreat in Wiltshire, are expected to try to come to an agreement on assets before heading to court. The settlement could be one of the biggest in British history, dwarfing the £24 million that was awarded to Heather Mills following her divorce from Paul McCartney.

Lawyers will argue over the exact figure, but Guy could be entitled to half of Madge’s £300 million fortune – that’s a whopping £150 million! Madonna will not be happy – then again, she never is.

Madonna & Guy Divorce – Confirmed!!!

Singer Madonna and Guy Ritchie arrive at the ‘I Am Because We Are’ Premiere at the Palais des Festivals during the 61st International Cannes Film Festival.

Madonna’s spokesperson has now officially confirmed the couple will divorce and we don’t mind telling you we’re shocked to our very core. Seriously, we never saw that one coming. We’ll keep you updated as and when more news reaches us….

Gwyneth Begged Madonna Not To Divorce

Unlike the rest of the British nation, who were smiling and dancing with joy at the thought of Madonna leaving the Country following reports about her imminent  divorce from Guy Ritchie (due to be officially announced later today), Gwyneth Paltrow is simply devastated.

Apparently the Oscar-winning actress has spent the past few months begging her friend not to separate from Guy Ritchie. Gwyneth is said to have advised Madonna to stay with her husband for the sake of their children.

“Gwyneth begged Madonna all summer not to be an idiot and let this marriage fall apart. She just doesn’t think it’s possible that Madonna and Guy would hurt their children by splitting up, and says she has actively advised both of them to put their problems and their egos aside for the sake of the children.”

“But Madonna can be very hard-headed and treats Gwyneth like a younger sister. If Madonna goes through with a divorce it’s going to break Gwyneth’s heart and affect their friendship permanently.”

Hard-headed? More like hard-faced. We spotted the fraught and distressed looking actress leaving a café in London this morning, with a very serious scowl on her chops. Do you think she’s been reading the morning papers?

Madonna & Guy Ritchie Are Divorcing…

Yes that’s right – Guy Ritchie has finally had enough of staring at Madonna’s moany old sour face all day long, so he’s decided to divorce her. Well, that’s what we like to think anyway.

The official line from a source close to the couple is that they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer”. After months of speculation, the pair are expected to release an official statement detailing the break-up of their eight-year relationship later today.

Apparently the state of the couple’s marriage initially deteriorated amid huge rows over each other’s work – as both Madge and Guy wanted to spend more time on their careers. A source close to the pair revealed:

“Despite huge attempts to patch things up they both knew deep down that divorce was on the cards. It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’. They tried hard over the last few months but their fighting was getting out of control.”

Madonna had reportedly wanted to wait until her Sweet & Sticky tour was over in the New Year, to announce the news. But Guy felt that he had simply had enough of Moany Old Wench so he put his foot down, and do you blame him?

Guy is now expected to move out of their home in Marylebone, London, which Madonna owns, and into Ashcombe House, Wiltshire which is his property. It is not clear where their son, Rocco, Madonna’s daughter Lourdes and adopted son David will live.

Read more about UK Celebrities
Article Source

ROCKIN’ STILETTOS TAKES TIME MACHINE to 2040: returns with video & snapshot of Britney

Angelina Jolie to star in new instructional DVD

Last Friday, Jolie’s manager & baby collector confirmed reports that Angelina Jolie will most definitely be starring in the upcoming instructional DVD tentatively titled Proper Insertion of Anal Suppositories & You. It’s been reported that hubby Brad Pitt told a close friend that “there’s no better asshole to star in the production”.

The project was reportedly being sponsored by Chapstick until they found out Jolie would be the star. A Chapstick spokeswoman sent Rockin’ Stilettos a statement that said, among other things, that “2009 was such a bad year for business that Chapstick can not afford the amount of complimentary product that would be required to satisfy Miss Jolie’s moisturizing needs….we are very sorry but we have no other prudent business course but to drop out of the project”.

Madonna to star as Bride of Skeletor in upcoming production

Sources close to Madonna report that the “singer” & “actress” has been reshaping her body to save millions in make-up, costume, & production costs for the upcoming film The Bride of Skeletor: inventor of absolutely nothing in the world of entertainment. Those same sources claim that Madonna’s nearly 30 years of ripping off any & every great idea she can get her hands on (way after the fact to boot) has prepared her for this role of a lifetime.

SAD NEWS: The death of E.T. – former movie star hero signs donor card

We have sad news to report today. Former movie star E.T. has died after a long battle with whatever it was that happened to him. It was revealed days ago that the little hero signed his donor card & among the many fortunate recipients is none other than Mrs. Tom Cruise.

Publically she has expressed her “undying gratitude for the donation of E.T.s beloved (& famous) fingers so that she could finally receive her long-awaited toe transplant” later stating that “it’s been so long since I’ve been able to enjoy a night out on the town in heels”.

BRAVO Mr. E.T.

BRAVO (R.I.P.)

GOD SENDS MADONNA EMAIL: “Jesus Christ Gurl..put on some make-up”

Justify my Chastity Bono

THIS JUST IN: Bela Lugosi’s hands reincarnated as Paris Hilton’s feet

Oh shit !!! Are you not just WAITING for those snarlin’ preying mantis rats to jump out of your screen & getcha ???? Don’t blame these sexy heels though. That would be kinda like killing the messenger doncha think ??? Poor POOR Bela

The purr-fect cure for that lingering case of the Tom Cruise midgets

We always said that the best aspect of Nicole Kidman’s divorce from Tom Cruise (for her) was the simple fact that she could pull her REAL high heels & stilettos out of the back of her closet & start wearing them again. Hey if Tom would have only considered rockin’ a pair of these maybe he could have “evened” the score. Hopefully she had the opportunity to lean over (just once) & tap him on his cute lil man-head sarcastically spewing “you’re right little man……you’re right little man”.

Oh & on a side note: if Tom keeps letting Suri kick it in high heels she’s going to be towering over daddy before she enters high school.

Hanna Montana cleans up real nigh-sssss when she wants to

out with the frump = in with the whatever’s better than frump

Rihanna straps ‘em on

Rihanna looks simply ravishing in these ankle-strapped high heels. The perfect accent to a truly unique outfit. Any semblance, even the slightest shred, of originally goes so far these days in the land of the visually lost (or is it lazy?).

Now if she could only ram one of those stiletto heels straight up Chris Brown’s ass……